Interview: Jemma Garvey, Bi+ Representative

Jemma Garvey (Bi+ Representative) and Eilonwy Awen (Campaigns & Communications Officer) sat down (virtually) to discuss Jemma's new role as she was elected to the position of Bi+ representative at last week's AGM, after previously being the Women's Representative for the Proud National Committee.

Eilonwy: Jemma, you’ve joined us as the Bi+ representative. Can you tell me a little bit about why you wanted to join the committee in the first place?

Jemma: There’s obviously a lot going on with the LGBT+ community right now, particularly since the Supreme Court ruling. There’s a lot of fear and rights being taken away. I think it’s really important to band together and be active to make sure we retain rights and win more rights. I’ve been properly out as Bi since I was 22, or 23 and I sort of questioned myself from about 16.

So I understand what it can be like to be bi+ in the sense of sort of being in and out of the closet for five years (6 years maybe?) and sort of at times feeling like having that imposter syndrome, especially now that I have a male partner with a child so to everyone else I just look like a heterosexual woman (laughs) even though that’s not the case.

Eilonwy: That’s a really good point to make actually because I consider myself to be Omnisexual and this is why I kind of fought for us to have a Bi+ rep specifically because ‘bisexual’ doesn’t define me, I find all genders attractive – men, women, trans men, trans women, non-binary, everything in between.

I know what you mean by being in a heterosexual relationship and people thinking you’re heterosexual – one of the biggest threats as bi people is erasure and casual erasure. So Freddie Mercury is a big example of this where everyone just sees him as a gay man, but he was bisexual and I think that’s something that’s really important for us going forward, particularly you as bi rep in getting that awareness out.

What challenges do you think bi+ people face in the community?

Jemma: Erasure is the big one – I’ve seen things in the community as well where you’re not really accepted as much, especially if you’re in a straight-passing relationship because there are obviously things that same sex couples have to face – like if they’re out in the street they’re at risk of hate crimes, like people being beaten up, lesbian women and gay men face daily aggression. Bi+ people are part of the community and while we don’t “pick a side” when we get a partner or get married or anything like that. I have many friends who are bi and married for instance.

So I think like as you said, erasure is the biggest problem bi+ people are facing. That attack comes from both inside and outside of the community and I think that’s where the imposter syndrome comes from because if you’re in a space and taking up space in gay clubs for instance where they may not want you there, especially if you’re in a straight passing relationship. I remember once, we were in Kings in Cardiff, me and my partner, and a man started flirting with him – he had to say “oh I’m straight actually”. It sounds really bad but I kind of cringed inside, because oh no, everyone’s going to think I’m the straight girlfriend who’s brought their straight boyfriend to a gay club.

Eilonwy: Oh, I love Kings – it’s one of my favourite places. I’m very fond of Eclipse at the moment in Cardiff.

Jemma: I’ve never heard of that place, but I’d love to go.

Eilonwy: It’s this sort of underground place where there’s a big thriving community – you see the same people in there every time you go so it feels safe. The first time I went to Kings after transitioning actually, it was the first time I’d experienced any kind of harassment as a trans woman – I was standing there by myself and this woman came over to me and just placed her hand on my breast without saying anything. I’d never experienced anything quite like it before. I looked over and there was a man stood behind her watching, probably her boyfriend, and it was almost like they noticed that I had boobs and maybe he sent her over – who knows, but I thought “okay, this is what that feels like”.

But yeah, I was thinking about the fact that on the committee, being the Bi+ rep is actually incredibly important because if you look at the makeup of the committee, of what reps there are, the Bi+ rep is the only rep on the committee that specifically deals with sexuality. So if you look at it, the Trans+ rep is the gender rep and the Bi+ rep is the sexuality rep. We don’t have a gay or a lesbian representative, but of course we have people who could step into those roles if we need to, there are gay men and lesbians on the committee, but it is you who has the responsibility for this on the committee.

So, just so I can get two birds with one stone, I asked everyone to think about a gift idea – now I’m going to drop this on you now, so I can put that as part of the article – have you thought about what you might recommend?

Jemma: I have been thinking about this and everything I’ve read recently. It’s been a while since I’ve had the chance to read. I can only really pick one hobby at a time and that’s been crochet for the past year.

Eilonwy: Crochet’s fun. Would you recommend crochet to someone?

Jemma: Yes, I would recommend it to be fair (laughs). I started something recently - I did two months where I was basically trying to practice stitches and most of the time doing them wrong (laughs). So then I got one of those little kits that are just super easy and for beginners and from there I used that pattern to start making stress balls and I’ve found this t-shirt yarn online which was sort of like rainbow, so I made one of those – well, I’ve made a few. I gave one to Liat (PCS Proud Secretary) actually because he mentioned in the office that he kept breaking all of his stress balls. (both laugh) So I crocheted him stress balls.

Eilonwy: (laughs) I can imagine that.

Jemma: Those are nice sort of gifts, I guess. One thing I made was like a rainbow octopus with red coloured beads so it’s almost like a fidget toy.

I did read a book called X quite a while ago, I think about two or three years ago now and it’s literally just the letter ‘X’ and it’s about a non-binary person trying to find – this is a bit saucy, sorry – trying to find a dom that they’d met one night and had a night with.

They’re also navigating a sort of dystopian world where every country they lived in was essentially deporting citizens if they were seen as undesirable so like a lot of LGBT+ people were being deported or made stateless and they get a letter in the post from the government saying that they needed to leave.

There were a few parties mentioned in there as the community would have a party for people who were getting out. I think – not to spoil it – but basically it ends with them opening their own letter saying that they needed to leave, and you find out that they’re very much sort of a grey character morally. You find out that they haven’t done great things essentially. It just kind of stayed with me because of the dystopian aspect, I think.

I do have a few ‘to read’ books that are LGBT+ and I was obsessed with Heartstopper at one point, as I think everyone was for a while.

Eilonwy: I actually haven’t watched Heartstopper yet. I don’t watch a lot of TV – I guess I’ve dropped my gay card there.

Jemma: (laughs) no, you haven’t.

Eilonwy: It’s interesting that you’ve brought up a non-binary book with the name ‘X’ because I was actually reading a book recently written by a non-binary author called ‘V’ and what was really interesting about them is that they collected say, forty years worth of poems they’ve written – including one that was meant to be performed on stage and it was one of the most powerful poems I’ve ever read – it was from the perspective of a friend of theirs in a coma and imagining what their friend might be thinking while in that state. They also explore love and sexuality and all things across their life. It was really fun and interesting to read about their experience living as a non-binary person because I very briefly lived as non-binary person, you know the kind of pipeline where I was non-binary and then I came out as trans…

Jemma: I had a friend, he started off as genderfluid and then came out as a trans man quite a few years ago. We met kind of from living near each other and from college and we bonded.

Eilonwy: That’s nice. I mean, that’s the thing – when we talk about erasure, trans men are the most invisible sometimes. Trans women suffer from hyper visibility, while trans men have hyper invisibility.

So have you thought about events, what sort of things you’d like to do in the next year as Bi+ rep?

Jemma: I’ll be honest, I’m just trying to get through the month right now (both laugh). I want to do something for bi visibility day. But yeah, I need to look through the equality calendar again – to be honest the last few months have been really, really busy for me so I haven’t had time to think about January onwards.

I’d like to look at protests to go to aswell – it’s irritating because Stoke is like a city, but it’s a small city and it’s not very progressive. If I want to go to any protests I have to travel – Manchester isn’t far to be fair, it would probably be the closest. I wanted to come down for the protest you and Heledd (PCS Proud Disability Representative) went to actually but I couldn’t because I already had something on that day.

Eilonwy: That was quite a day. I think I mentioned in the chat that I’d never seen so many transphobes at a protest in Cardiff – usually they turn up and there’s like two of them (laughs). But we did outnumber them and I saw a video from their perspective, we were just so loud we drowned them out, you could only hear our chanting. That was really powerful, because Heledd and I were stewards and it was getting to the point where we had like security trying to intervene and trying to hold me – it got a little crazy. So, yeah, that’s the thing – where Trans+ rights and Trans+ liberation are sort of the front line at the moment, if that falls, then it’ll be gay, bi, lesbian people next, right.

Jemma: It is, absolutely. I think, now that you’ve reminded me, there’s something I do want to do – I’d like to try and get more of a Proud presence at things like Pride and protests. I think a little while ago people mentioned a Proud banner – I’ve seen the Proud banner and I think we probably need an updated one and I wanted to sort of try and maybe think about making one? Obviously just need a design – because I’ve got a sewing machine at my grandmas, which I can use, I’d just have to learn to use the machine (laughs). But I know someone mentioned that banners are too expensive, but if I did it then it wouldn’t be as expensive. Plus, I’d be happy to do in my spare time. It would give me another craft thing to do, you know. It’s just about being able to design something.

Eilonwy: Yeah, amazing. That would be fantastic. I don’t think anyone has any idea where the old banner is.

Jemma: Oh, okay (both laugh).

Eilonwy: You can see a picture of it on our facebook page and on the new website, but it is a little outdated. It says “PCS Proud is the voice of gay men, lesbian, bisexuals and trans members” but I think we could be a bit more inclusive in the banner. If you did want to make one, what colour would you use?

Jemma: All the colours (both laugh). I use colours for everything, like my crochet projects are very colourful. I just like colour.

Eilonwy: Wonderful. So, do you have advice for someone who is bi and is struggling with acceptance?

Jemma: I’d advise them if they could to meet up with other queer people. Because that’s where you find acceptance and love, really. You need to find it within yourself first, and being around people who are out does help and maybe, I think the first thing I did when I first publicly came out was I went to my local Pride with a friend so I wasn’t alone and my sister went as well. It caused a bit of a row in the house, but you know – families. But yeah, find somewhere to explore, find those communities, even if it’s online at first. Don’t suffer in silence, and don’t just try and keep everything to one side or push it down because it doesn’t work. It just makes you feel miserable. The happiness comes from accepting yourself and going through that journey.

Something I’ve said to my dad actually that day I came out was, he said “why don’t we have straight pride” – I said, “you can have straight pride when you’ve been persecuted for centuries for your sexuality” and honestly, just look up LGBT+ authors and stories. That’s helped me a lot. It seemed impossible to find relatable stories when I was younger but now you do have those sections in bookshops that say they are LGBT+.

Eilonwy: Thank you, Jemma. I think we’ve had a really nice interview there. What we’ll end it on is – do you have anything else you’d like to say to the community?

Jemma: Just that we really need to unify and band together and protect each other like we have historically because if one of us falls, then we’ll all fall. We won’t be fully free until everyone is free.